Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Harry Haddon's Incomplete & Unofficial Guide to the Hedonistic Pleasure of the Grape [FULL VERSION]

Harry Haddon's Incomplete & Unofficial Guide to the Hedonistic Pleasure of the Grape
The unofficial guide to wine - the official guide to the culture of Real Time Wine!



Chapter 1: Oh god more wine words, why?
Chapter 2: What the hell is in my glass?
Chapter 3: Drinking Smarter
Chapter 4: Down with scores and up with drinking: Harry's kak en lekker scale of wine
Chapter 5: NATURE vs. NURTURE. Part 1: Nature
Chapter 6: NATURE vs. NURTURE. Part 2: Nurture
Chapter 7: Taking back some wine words!
Chapter 8: The journey continues, one bottle at a time.



Excerpt from Chapter 1: You may already be asking why. Why do we need more words on wine? Can’t you leave us alone and let us just drink the stuff? Do we have to listen to some poncey, big nosed bastard who is going to tell us about the flutteringly fleet-footed scent of an angels fart, offset only by the delicate flavour of cigar boxed, pencil shaved bullshit? In short: Because it’s awesome, of course you can, and I damn well hope not.

Why wine? Well for the last couple thousand years (earliest estimates see evidence for wine making at around 7000 BC) we have been drinking it. We have drunk it to escape our cruel and short lives, to grease our brain’s cogs and wheels, to liven up parties, to find inspiration, and to worship our gods. We have traded wine, made millions with wine, and lost it all with wine. We’ve made it sweet, drunk it sour, wrote books on it, fought for it, died for it, and we have drunk wine because, goddamnit, drinking it is awesome. Wine was at the start of civilization and it will be there, in whatever form, at the end.

So whether you like wine or not, wherever you are on this mortal coil, it’s not going anywhere
But here is the tricky bit, and one that frustrates me, and you I am sure, to no end. How did this wonderful liquid, rich in history, gain this horrible reputation: the more you know about it, the more likely you are to be a pretentious snob.



What the critics had to say...

"Some of my finest work." - Harry Haddon
"Who are you?" - Platters
"Wine! Wine! Wine! Wine!" - The Fans
"He's a genius. It's the best app known to man." - Harry's Friend.

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